The Demise of Badonka Butt

I'm not a fan of country music, but I am familiar with that song "Honky Tonk Badonka Donk".  I'm also aware that this song is an appreciation of some woman's shapely behind. 

That song "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen?  I love it.  I love it even more because of the title.

"Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot?  "I like big butts and I cannot lie..."  Yep, Baby does have back.

Or...she did.

My butt is gone.  Gone.  The space in my jeans where it used to be is just that--space.  Baggy, saggy and unflattering.  What's left of my tush has gone to mush.  I used to jokingly say that I had a shelf back there that my husband could rest his drink on.  There are pictures of us dancing with his hands resting on that very shelf.

Gone.  Red beans and rice did miss me.

I'm a little upset about this.  Don't get me wrong.  When my weight was at it's peak, my ass was huge.  Broad-side-of-a-barn huge.  But I would like a little junk in my trunk.  Just a little.

Around the corner from the flat and sagging behind is what I have been referring to as The Mom Belly.  It won't go away.  If it wasn't for that I'd be wearing at least a size 12.  It's basically skin (yeah, there's still fat there, but mostly it's just skin).  I can--brace yourself here--pretty much pull it up and smush it so that there's nothing there.  It's pretty cool to see, actually.  But then I put my hands back to my sides and voila.  Mom Belly.  I think if the human body can stretch like it does to accomodate the growth of a child, it sure as hell should shrink back to it's original state when it's done.

Now I guess I'm going to have to go onto youtube and watch "Baby Got Back" since it's now running through my head the way I used to run for the buffet line.

Hey, fellas!
Yeah?
Fellas!
Yeah?
Has your girlfriend got the butt?
Hell, yeah!
Shake it!
Shake it!
Shake it!
Shake it!
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back.

Yep, now you're singing it.  You're welcome!