Odes

I got the latest Eating Well magazine yesterday.  I really enjoy this magazine, as it has a lot of interesting recipes that have been slimmed down for our waistline's (and palate's) pleasure.  The last page of the mag had a humor essay by Colin Nissan called "Odes to the things I can no longer enjoy on my damned diet".  The title itself made me smirk, as did the rest of it, so I thought I would share it with you.

http://www.eatingwell.com/food_news_origins/people_perspectives/good_reads/odes_to_the_things_i_can_no_longer_enjoy_on_my_damned_diet

Let's Talk Christmas

Christmas is one week and one day away.  WHERE did the year go?  It was a mere 5 months ago that I had my surgery.  I can't believe how quickly time is flying by...it saddens me that my children are growing up so quickly.  New Years Resolution #3:  enjoy the time spent with my kids more.

With the holidays comes...food.  Ah, my arch nemesis.  We shall meet again.  This Christmas is going to revolve around food, and because of my surgery I am confident that my waistband will not expand this year.  We have two parties to attend on Christmas Eve, then on Christmas Day we are heading to my parents' house for yet another feast.

Christmas Eve party #1 will take us to my parents' house to exchange gifts with my sister and her husband.  My grandparents will be there, and my uncle may pop in with his girlfriend.  I hope he does!  We are planning a huge smorgasboard of appetizer-y type foods.  I myself am taking four dishes: some form of chicken wings (I haven't decided on the exact sauce yet), cocktail meatballs, buffalo chicken wing dip, and amaretti cookies.  My mother's hobby is cooking, and she's amazing at it.  She is making several dishes (that I will talk about in a later post), and my brother-in-law is making his famous mini calzones.  Can't have an Italian gathering without some sort of Italian food! We tend to have enough food for the entire county, but none of us mind.

Christmas Eve party #2 will find us at my husband's parents' house for our annual Dinner of the Seven Fishes and gift exchange.  My sister-in-law started this tradition over 10 years ago, one that we all look forward to and enjoy.  Strangely enough, she's not Italian (for those of you who don't know, it is a traditional Italian Christmas Eve dinner) but those of us who enjoy seafood are entirely grateful!  My husband's family is quite large, so there will be a houseful of people bringing a seafood dish to add to the spread.  Typically we always have lobster bisque, hand-breaded haddock, bacon-wrapped scallops, clam strips, and crab legs.  There are always a couple of new recipes to try, which will round out the seven.  And dessert!  Who can forget dessert?

Christmas Day we will head back to my parents' to hang out and exchange gifts with my aunt and cousin.  The plan is to snack on all of the left overs from the day before, then finish up the day with a boiled ham dinner.  For those of you who don't know what it is (I thought everyone knew, but apparently there are some that don't), boiled dinner is a ham, potatoes, carrots, onions, and cabbage all--you guessed it--boiled in one pot.  It is one of my favorites.

Can you hear the button on my pants pop off and fly across the room?

Let's talk a little about Christmas cookies.  I'm in full-on cookie mode.  I'm going to be baking several different kinds through out the week, for gifts and the different gatherings.  I'm not going to say what kinds at this point, so as not to spoil it for those that are receiving them as gifts.  I think I'm making so many cookies lately because it warms up the kitchen (didn't they put heat in kitchens 40 years ago??) and makes it smell homey in here.

No baking today though...I have a turkey in the oven!  I bought one fairly cheap after Thanksgiving, and it's been thawing in the refrigerator for a week and a half now.  Would you believe it was still semi-frozen?  It sat in a sinkful of cold water this morning to speed up the process.  This sucker is a whopping 21 pounds...what was I thinking?  What the hell am I gonna do with 21 pounds of turkey??

Perhaps this post gives you some indication as to why I had surgery.  I will always be the foodie fat girl, no matter what my body size is.

Resolutions and Stuff

Is it bad luck to make your New Years resolutions early?  I have a couple I'd like to make, and I don't want to wait til January.  The thing with resolutions for me is that I never make them.  I think they're stupid, and if you want to change something about yourself or your life, do it, no matter what time of year it is.  But, since this is a new(er) me, I'm going for it.  If I fail, I'll chalk it up to the fact that I made the resolutions before Christmas. 

First and foremost, I want to write a post for this blog once a week.  I've failed miserably at doing it, and I find I feel better after I do.  So, that's one.  I'm going to shoot for the same day every week, to be determined....later.  (I am an A1, first class procrastinator).

Second, and more cliched, I want to try to exercise more.  Notice the use of the word "try".  I'm not going to be unrealistic and say I'm going to do it come hell or high water, five days a week.  It would be nice if the Boonville Health and Fitness Center made their New Years resolution to lower their rates, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose.

I'm going to stop there with the resolutions, for now at least.  If I come up with something later, I can always wait for the new year.

As for life post surgery, it's going well.  I am throwing up much less now, and I can't say I miss it!  Figuring out what works and what doesn't makes all the difference in the world.  I do have habits that I need to change, one of them being I've gone back to being a night time snacker.  Such a bad habit to go back to!

If there is something you'd like me to write about, (some question you have, some observation, whatever), please feel free to message me on facebook or send me an email if you've got my address.  There's not much that goes on around here these days, and coming up with something to talk about is hard sometimes!  Hence the long gaps of time between posts...

Guilt

I'm feeling guilty.  It's been a while since I've posted.  But things are going so well I don't really have anything to report.  I weighed myself this morning, and I've hit the 76 lb. mark.  When you think about it, it really is bizarre.  I mean, I've been carrying around the equivalent of what, a 7 or 8 year old?  Now that that kid has jumped off my ass (haha), I'm feeling much better about myself, both in the superficial and health-wise.  I can't say I hate getting the compliments!

I'm pretty much able to eat anything...well, anything that isn't deep fried.  Twice in the last week I've tried, and twice I have failed.  I tried a buffalo chicken finger wrap at Denny's (go ahead, shudder if you like) and I ended up having to pull over on the way home, leaving it behind a bank (sorry, HSBC).  Then last night we stopped at a local establishment for a post-dinner drink and a visit with my good friend.  As my daughter barely touched her dinner, she was hungry.  I ordered an appetizer sampler, and as recovering fatty, I had to have some of it.  Again, I ended up having to pull over on the way home, leaving my mozzarella stick and 2 chicken cordon bleu balls in the trees.  So, lesson learned.  Stay away from the fried.  The doctors advise you of that anyway, but I'm either a glutton for punishment, or a slow learner.  I'm the type of person who rebels against being told what to do...if you tell me to do one thing, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll do the opposite.  So there ya go.  I tend to shoot myself in the foot.  But at least I get to entertain you all while I do it.

Link to New Blog

As promised, here is the link to my recipe blog:

www.corinnesrecipes.blogspot.com

I'd love any feedback!

Finally!

Minus 72 pounds.

Awesome, right?  I've been stuck on a plateau of 66 lbs. for about a month, so I'm pretty excited about this.  Then I made a realization:  I stopped drinking orange juice as my main beverage about 2 weeks ago.  I had such a craving for orange juice, I was drinking it exclusively for about, you guessed it, a month.  I stopped because it started making my stomach burn with every drink, even though I was buying the "low acid" kind.  I quit, and voila, 6 more pounds gone bye-bye.

I have also decided I'm going to start another blog.  This one is going to focus on my recipes.  I get so excited when I come up with something new and everyone at the dinner table devours it.  I thought I'm on the computer all the time anyway, I might as well share.  When I create it, I will post a link here to let you know.

Three month checkup

Today I had...you guessed it...my three month checkup.  I had my children in tow which made it challenging but not entirely unpleasant, especially because the nurse practitioner got such a kick out of them.  Thankfully!  Anyway, she was pleased with my success thusfar.  I have lost 48% of my body fat (last time I was there at 2 weeks postop I had lost 17% and was at 251 lbs.)  My BMI has gone from 44 to 33.  I've finally kicked the last of the "weight related" medications as well...I no longer have to take the protonix for my gastroesophogial reflux disease (GERD) as I no longer have it!  My blood pressure was perfect, and I haven't had those pills since the last visit.  I'm happy that I just may live to see my grandchildren!

According to her, I have not yet experienced the dumping syndrome.  The occasional throwing up is just that--throwing up.  It's because I'm either eating too quickly, too much, or my bites are too big.  So the solution is slow down, one less bite, smaller bites.  Not exactly rocket science.

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I have been trying to get outside and do more with the kids as part of my exercise.  Hell, who am I kidding...right now it's the only exercise.  But still, it's more than I was getting.  I took my daughter for a walk over the weekend, and truth be told I could have gone a lot further than we did.  But as I did not relish the idea of physically carting her back (she is only 6, after all) we stopped when she wanted to.  I HAVE TO GET TO THE GYM.  That's the mantra I need to keep repeating to myself...

Too much information, or information you've been curious about?

It has been brought to my attention that I may need to give you, my faithful followers, more information regarding my progress.  So, here goes.  As of yesterday, it has been 3 months since my surgery.  In that time, I have lost 66 pounds, going from 276 to 210.  I have gone from a size 26/28 to a 16/18.  Actually, I don't know what my jeans size is...a 16 is too tight, but an 18 is too big.  I guess that would make me a 17, if they made such a size!  Having lost as much as I have, I figure that puts me a little over halfway to my goal.

My weight loss as far as the scale has concerned has kind of stalled.  I am attributing this to the fact that I have yet to do any real exercise, but also to the fact that all of my beverages have been caloric.  After the surgery, we are urged to drink only beverages that are calorie free, or very low in calories.  I've been addicted to orange juice lately, and prior to that it was cranberry juice.  I haven't had any iced tea since late summer, and water feels weird when it hits my stomach, so I've been avoiding that.  As I can't stand the artificial sweeteners, I am not able to drink Crystal Light or anything of that nature.  I will continue the search for an artificial sweetener that doesn't make me shudder.

My weight loss as far as my clothes are concerned, however, is continuing to please me.  I've purchased two pairs of jeans in the last month.  The first pair that was a little too tight now fits just right.  The second pair that fit perfectly is now a little too loose.  My rings are spinning on my fingers, and my wedding set not only spins but slides as well.  It's driving me nuts, but in a good way.  I'll have them sized eventually, but not for a while yet.  I don't want to have to do it more than once.

At this point I'm trying not to focus on what the scale says, even though I still do check weekly.  I'm more concerned about inches...and the fact that my thighs don't rub together like they once did, or that my ass no longer creates a shelf at the top, or that I have ankles again instead of the "cankles" of days past.

Now I just need to drag said sagging ass to the gym and tighten up some things before shorts season arrives again...because this girl is gonna be rocking the shorts next summer, capris on 90 degree days are a thing of the past!



Me and my Mary, April 2010

Me and my nephew, September 2010



Motivation...or lack thereof

It's getting harder and harder to get motivated these days.  I find myself making excuses, like "it must be the change in seasons", or "I can't find the time to do (insert activity here)".  Basically, I think I'm just being lazy.  My family is probably rolling around on the floor as they read this, thinking what an understatement that is.  But really, what else is there?  Perhaps it's that I am totally overwhelmed here at home with the amount of housework that falls solely on me.  The generation before mine is wondering, "And your point is?" but in my generation, it is typical for everyone in the house to share chores...including *gasp* the husband.

So that's my current complaint.  What does it have to do with anything?  Well, perhaps you remember when we went apple picking at the end of September.  I still have about 20 apples hanging around that I've been meaning to do something with.  I've been scouring recipes online, and a few have grabbed my attention.  Glazed apple cookies, apple blonde brownies, about a zillion different recipes for applesauce...I'm just having a hard time finding the time and desire to actually go make one of them.  I did make an apple bread pudding that turned out super tasty.  It called for french bread, but I used cinnamon raisin bagels instead.  Yummy.  Typically I enjoy experimenting with both baking and cooking, but I just can't seem to get into the baking aspect of things.  As far as cooking, today I made barbecue sauce and poured it over some pork ribs, letting it simmer in the crockpot all day.  I love the smell of comfort foods cooking all day.  I take pride in the foods I make, in hearing my family tell me how good dinner is.  I didn't get to hear it tonight...my husband got home from work and took the kids up to his parents' house so he could help his father with installing a garage door.  Sigh.  Oh well, I guess the ribs will hold til tomorrow.  Good thing I didn't make those mashed potatoes ahead of time.

On a side note, the new "cozy around-the-house" pants I bought last weekend slide down my hips with every step I take.  I currently have one side of the waistband wadded up into a ball and secured with an elastic hair tie.  Snicker if you must, but it's my ingenious solution to not being able to find a safety pin!

I forgot to add this to the last entry...this is me up in an apple tree.  There were some gorgeous apples up higher than anyone could reach, and I thought I would climb up there and get them.  This is something I never would have attempted in the last 10 years!  What I didn't count on were my shoes being too slippery to get any traction on the tree.  The next picture is the one my husband so thoughtfully took of me climbing out.

Weekend update

If you remember a couple of entries ago, my family and I were having a weekend away, and I was worried about what there was going to be to eat.  As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about.  Nothing made me sick, and I learned I can eat crab legs, tortilla chips and buffalo chicken wing dip.  My sister-in-law makes the best wing dip I've ever had.  Yum!

This past weekend also found me eating out.  Friday night I tried a couple of tentative bites of romaine lettuce with Italian dressing.  On Saturday I learned that I can eat the chicken strips from Schwan's.  They were moist, and baked, not fried.  Paired with a baked potato I was quite happy.  Sunday we had a small birthday celebration for my grandmother--she'll be rockin' 85 years tomorrow.  Being an Italian family, we had all Italian foods.  My mother made baked ziti and brought a huge antipasto.  My uncle made stuffed shells, sauce, meatballs and brought hot sausage.  My aunt brought sausage bread, spinach bread, Italian bread, tomato pie, and the cake.  I wanted it all, but was satisfied with a slice of the spinach bread, a meatball, and 1/2 a stuffed shell.  My daughter gave me a bite of her cake, and that was enough.

So it has been a successful, puke free week and a half.  Let's see if we can make it another!

Hairy situation

Bet you didn't know that another fun side effect to the surgery is hair loss.  I took the extra precautions and have been taking biotin, a supplement that is supposed to be good for your hair, skin and nails.  Well, I've been starting to lose my hair.  Which when you have as much hair as I do, it's really not that big of a deal.

Except that it is.

I hate hair.  It completely grosses me out.  When it's attached to a head, it's fine, doesn't bother me.  But when it is loose...completely different story.  Head hair, chest hair, chin hair, eyelashes...and the worst: the short and curlies.  SO GROSS.

I've been pulling gobs of it out in the shower.  When I say the wad of hair in the shower is about the size of an orange, I'm not kidding.  Then when I brush, I lose even more.  I'm so disgusted that I've moved the Dirt Devil floor sweeper into the bathroom indefinitely.

So when you see me and my hair is constantly in a ponytail, it's because I hate pulling the loose hairs off of my shirt, or worse--having one fall into my food.  Ew.

Nothing really exciting...

First, I feel I owe an apology.  I haven't blogged in a while, and I feel guilty.  I have only felt like whining, and there aren't many people that enjoy whining, so...but let's see if I can get you up to speed.

I've been experimenting with new foods.  I've been doing a lot of crock pot cooking, trying to find something that works well for me.  Meatloaf, roasts, beef tips, turkey meatballs...It has all led me to this conclusion: I think I'm destined to become a reluctant vegetarian.  Not in the "won't eat anything that comes in contact with meat" or anything like that, but so far I'm not having much luck at all.  Still the thing I eat most of all is potatoes of some sort--mashed, baked, cut up and seasoned like home fries, o'brien...

Everything is kind of hit and miss.  For example, twice now I've made something for dinner and been fine, yet the next day when I try it for lunch, I puke my face off.  As recently as two days ago, I had beef tips and gravy over mashed potatoes that we had had for dinner the night before.  I had it for lunch before having to pick up my daughter from school for a doctor appointment.  I threw up probably 10 times while getting ready to go get her, and I thought by the time I left the house I was ok.  I wasn't.  I ended up having to pull over twice over the 45 minute drive to the doctor.  Then I got to listen to a lecture from my 6-year-old, something along the lines of I should know by now what I can eat, and it's not good to be throwing up all the time, and I really need to learn.  She was seriously mad at me!

Still, I've lost 62 lbs, so I can't bitch too much.  I've had several people ask me if it was worth it, and I say hell yes.  If I wouldn't have had this surgery, I would have just kept ballooning.  As I sit here and type this, a Jenny Craig commercial is on, with Sara Rue.  She has lost 50 lbs, and she said she realized she needed a lifestyle change.  Well, I tried that through Weight Watchers...three times.  I need the type of permanent lifestyle change that allows me no control.  The way I see it, I'm halfway there.  I'm almost out of the 200 lb range, which I haven't been since I was 20. 

This weekend will prove to be a challenge.  We are leaving to stay at my brother-in-law's, which the entire family does every year in the fall.  There will be 16 of us or so, and who knows what we'll be eating.  I know that there will be chicken wing soup, a spaghetti dish of sorts, and I'm taking a taco casserole that I've never tried (ground chicken, taco seasoning, refried beans, salsa, sour cream and cheese) and hot sausage with onions and peppers (that's the Italian in me).  I don't know if I can eat anything that I'm taking...guess we'll have to wait and see.  I'll report back next week!

Another milestone mark

Today is my three month "anniversary".  It's amazing how much my life has changed in those three months.  The biggest change of all....I've lost the small child that has been dragging on my ass (and by that I mean the 57 pounds I have lost!)  I've gone from a size 26/28 to an 18.  That's almost out of the plus sizes, baby!  Halle-frickin-lujah!

In these three months, I've lost my taste for sweets and meat.  I can hardly believe it.  I make some sort of meat every night for my family, and if I have one bite that's a lot.  I just don't crave it like I used to.  The only meat I've really been tempted to eat has been chicken fingers or nuggets at a fast food joint.  Bad bad bad!  Luckily I'm too afraid to try anything deep fried.  And it used to be that after every meal, I'd crave something sweet.  I don't anymore.  I haven't had chocolate at all this whole time.  Well, a little chocolate milk once, but I don't think that counts.

It has always been a natural response to cross my legs when I sit.  I haven't been able to do that in a while.  I get a little smug now every time I sit down and cross my legs...because I can, and because when I do they actually cross comfortably.  I also find myself sitting with my arms crossed a lot.  I don't know why, but again, it's comfortable.  I haven't been able to cross my arms without looking or feeling like a moron because my arms were so fat and my boobs were so big. 

I'm definitely reaping the rewards...and I can't imagine how I'm going to feel another 50 pounds from now if already feel this good!

It's Been A While...

So....it's been a while since I've posted.  I've really had nothing new to report, so I didn't want to bore anyone with my nonsense.  I don't know if I should blog about things other than my post-surgery experiences (since that was the intention).  If you have an opinion, feel free to share.

Anyway, today I do have something to share.  Chili = bad news.  I made chili today, as it is cold, damp, and rainy here, and I love something simmering in the crockpot in this kind of weather.  Wellll.....if you want to know what fire in your stomach feels like, just eat some chili after having this surgery.  I didn't even make it that spicy, because the kids would be eating it too.  It will be a long time before I try it again.  So now I have a huge crockpot full of the stuff, and really only one person to eat it all.  I'll be freezing some, and pawning some off....Mom, you'll be getting some!

I've been trying to break out of the mashed potato mold, and experience new foods.  One thing new I've noticed about myself is that I really am not a meat girl anymore.  Me, whose favorite meal is a big honkin' steak and a baked potato. 

The other night I cooked up some loose hamburger with onions and spices, with the intention of mixing it with pasta.  My husband loves that, and I wasn't planning on eating it.  Then my creativity streak kicked in.  I ended up adding wine, Worchestershire sauce, a bit of reduced fat cream cheese, and a smidge of milk.  It ended up as kind of a stroganoff, and it was fabulous.  I mixed it up with radiatore pasta.  My son ate two bowls.  I ended up throwing up, because I ate one too many bites (and I didn't even have the pasta).

I also did a meatloaf in the crockpot, something I had never done before.  But I keep hearing to "moist cook" all of my meats, and the best way to do that is to use the crockpot.  With it I made (big shock here) mashed potatoes.  I tried the meatloaf, but it didn't sit well, so I went with the potatoes...again.  Luckily I had gravy from KFC to change it up.

That night, I broke out the ol' "Fix It and Forget It" cookbook (that's for the crockpot, for those of you who don't know) for some new ideas.  Well, "forget it"...practically every recipe in there calls for some kind of cream-of soup plus one or two other ingredients.  I am not that kind of cook.  I like to cook as naturally as possible, ie not use canned soups (not only for the sodium content, but it usually doesn't taste like anything other than soup).  So instead of using recipes straight out of the book, I have used it for ideas.

I did a pork roast the other day.  I wanted to throw potatoes in there, but since I had made the mashed potatoes the night before, I didn't want to do them two nights in a row.  So I decided to throw brown rice into the crockpot about 2 hours before I was going to serve dinner.  I took the roast out and put the uncooked rice in the liquid (pork juices, wine, V8, and water) that the roast was cooking in, and set the roast back in.  Well....it was ok.  I couldn't eat it.  Everyone else did, but I ended up tossing all that was left over.  The pork is making great sandwiches for my husband's lunch though.

So.  Chili is not good for me.  What will tomorrow bring?  Hopefully not more friggin mashed potatoes.  I never thought I'd say this, but damn, I'm getting sick of them!

Labor Day Weekend...well, the first half anyway...

This weekend finds me 51 pounds lighter.  It is still amazing to me.  I am officially smaller than I was when I got married, 7 years ago.  Today, for the first time in literally years, I went shopping and only had to buy size XL shirts...mainly to accommodate my boobs.  Never in a million years did I think I'd be giddy about buying 3 shirts in Target.  It's a good thing we were strapped for time, or those 3 shirts might have ballooned into many many more!

Before going to Target, my daughter, my sister, and I went to Red Lobster for lunch.  I wanted to see if I could handle the clam chowder.  I got it in the bread bowl...those of you who haven't had that, do yourself a favor and get it the next time.  It's one of my faves.  Anyway, they don't put much more than a cup of soup in the bread bowl, so it was actually about the perfect amount, and I got to bring the bowl home for later.  It turns out that yes, yes I can eat clam chowder.  They suggest that you stay away from soup in the beginning, because they'd rather you eat solid foods (remember, you're not supposed to drink while eating).  I guess I'm a rebel that way.  It was a toss up between the soup and the lobster pizza...I think that'll be next time.

After Target, we went to see "Despicable Me", the only kids movie left playing.  I'm so glad, because it was great.  It didn't drag like a lot of kids movies do for adults.  I liked it, Gabby loved it, and I think my sister even enjoyed it.  And who doesn't like Steve Carrell, really?

We went to Big Lots after that, and across the road is a Pizza Hut.  My sister wanted to order a pizza for her husband and my dad, who were doing construction at her house.  While she was in placing her order, my husband called, I told him where we were, and I ended up ordering the Big Italy to take home.  Come to find out, yes, it is huge like the commerical boasts.  And I was able to have a few nibbles, but after all this time of craving pizza, the fact that it was room temperature just didn't do it for me.  I guess my "first" pizza is going to have to be fresh...even though I usually love cold pizza.

Then...we went to KFC.  You're probably thinking I'm nuts, and no wonder I needed surgery to slim my fat ass down.  Well, I wanted to see if they would sell me just the gravy, minus the potatoes.  I am so sick of instant potatoes I just wanted the gravy.  Yep, they will sell just gravy.  So I ordered that, and couldn't resist the $5 fill up box, which I filled with a grilled breast, a grilled wing, a biscuit, and....potatoes and gravy.  I have only had a nibble of the wing and it didn't sit great, so I'm a little leery at this point.  But I have two containers of gravy, and that's what's important!

We'll see what the rest of the weekend brings to this foodie...

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On another note, I'm exploring the world of soft cheeses.  I recently bought fresh mozzarella, and there's nothing like it.  Just wish I could pair it with fresh tomatoes and basil at this point, but not yet.  Also, I bought the mini Babybel cheese, which I believe is gouda.  The size of it is perfect for me, and gives me both the dairy and protein that I'm missing elsewhere.  Lastly I bought the Laughing Cow spreadable wedges, in mozzarella and sun dried tomato.  Fabulous spread on three reduced fat Club crackers. 

I'm constantly looking to switch up my potatoes, so I did something I never would have done previously--I bought Cheese Whiz.  I don't even think you can classify the stuff as cheese.  But it's pretty tasty melted into some mashed potatoes!

There's your cheese review for this week.  Enjoy.

Short and Sweet

47 lbs. lighter, and I gotta admit, it feels pretty damn good.  I guess it's time to start an exercise program and bump that 47 up.

I'm still waiting for the time when I can eat something other than mashed potatoes without feeling like I have to throw up...

But for now, I'm going to enjoy my new size.  I can't believe I'm comfortable enough to post this for all the world to see, but I am!

Obessed Much?

I wanna let you in on a little secret.

I have a lifelong obsession with food.

You're shocked, I'm sure.

See, before I had my surgery, I had to meet with the psychiatrist that would determine if I had any food obsessions that could possibly deter my success.  He said I don't.  He is wrong.  WRONG.  I think about food constantly.  A lot of my childhood memories revolve around food.  It started when I was just a little squirt...

My earliest memory is vague, but in it I am watching my mother peel and cut an onion.  I know it is an early memory because we were in the trailer, and we only lived there until I was 3.

One year for Christmas (I think I was 8 or 9, no more than 10) we were opening our presents.  I started to open one of mine, and the box under the wrapping paper was a Schwans chicken nugget box.  I happily exclaimed, "Chicken nuggets!" at which point my parents dissolved into laughter.  See, my mother had re-used the chicken nuggets box to wrap my brand new pink hair crimper (hey, it was the 80s).  I remember being disappointed...the crimper was nice but I much rather would have had the nuggets.  I still haven't lived that one down to this day.

When we lived on the lake, my cousin used to come over and go swimming all the time.  I remember sitting at the picnic table by the water, having bologna sandwiches with pretzels for lunch.  I was probably 10 years old.

I remember going to a friend's slumber party, again at about 10 years old, and being afraid of the movie we were watching.  By the way, who plays "Slumber Party Massacre" for a bunch of little kids, at a slumber party?  After that it was the "Wizard of Oz".  I sat in the kitchen with my mom and my friend's mom, finishing up the fish sticks we had for supper.

We didn't have cable when we lived on the lake until the last couple of years we lived there.  One of those cable-less days, Mom had "Gone With the Wind" going on PBS (remember those classic movie Sundays?)  It was hunting season, or something like that that would keep Dad away for dinner, so we had chicken patty sandwiches with a ketchup/mayo/relish sauce that Mom made. 

My childhood neighbor's mom introduced me to monkey bread, and his grandparents introduced me to maple syrup on snow.

See what I mean?  I could go on with these stories forever.  I have a ton of them.  I was destined to be the fat girl.  Diet after diet after diet wasn't going to change that.  So I'll have to be content with being the fat girl in my mind, and the not-so-fat girl on the outside.

It Was a Nice Day (er, weekend) for a...White Wedding

We had a pretty busy weekend.  My brother-in-law and his fiancee got married, and we all were in the wedding.

Friday I took the kids to meet up with my husband and the rest of the family in Sackets Harbor at the battlefield for rehearsal.  Family drove in from all over, even some that weren't in the ceremony itself, but came a day early.  Rehearsal went well, and there was an air of celebration.  We headed to the dinner at the Partridge Berry Inn in Watertown afterward.

I was apprehensive about it, obviously because of my new restrictions.  We were the last to arrive, because we had to stop and get gas.  We went in and got drinks.  I was hoping for iced tea; I had to settle for lemon water.  I didn't think it would be hard to watch everyone else drinking alcoholic beverages, or even juices, but it was.  They also had a fruit/cheese/cracker table set up, which I left alone.  I knew I wouldn't be able to eat much dinner and didn't want to ruin it with fruit.

I had to skip the salad course as well, because I can't eat raw veggies yet.  But it looked good, and tasted the dressing my daughter had on hers (she's a bit of a chocoholic and it looked like chocolate pudding...I had to make sure it wasn't!).  I also passed on the roll, for the same reason I passed on the fruit.

Then the time came for dinner.  I was in line for the buffet when the bride's mother pulled me out to tell me that she had ordered me a special dinner.  That was so incredibly thoughtful of her, and I was touched.  Then she told me what it was:  roasted chicken and vegetables.  I hated having to tell her I couldn't eat meat yet.  Should I not have told her and taken it anyway?  I felt like I offended her.  She ended up giving it away, and I heard it was delicious.  I'm sure it was.

Back in line I went.  It was mostly pasta, and I can have that (in theory).  I figured I would get my son a plate and eat off of his.  I got us baked ziti, tortellini in a spicy pepper and mushroom cream sauce, and stuffed rigatoni.  Well, I wouldn't let the little turkey feed himself, so he wanted no part of it.  He was content to eat his grape halves and crackers...that he fed himself.  So I nibbled on what I could, and felt ridiculous.  I also felt envious, regretful, disappointed and resentful. 

It seems as the days go on, the less I can eat.


The day of the wedding found us in Watertown bright and early to get our hair done.  All of the girls that were in the wedding met at the same place for hair and makeup.  We met there at 9:30.  I've never had my makeup done by a professional before, and I have to admit I enjoyed it.  And it turned out really nice.  Overall I was pleased with how I turned out.

We had until 2:00 til the limo was picking us up, so we went to the bride's mother's house for a small lunch.  Again I was nervous about the food.  She had a cold cut and cheese platter for sandwiches, mixed fruit, and green salad.  I had blueberries, watermelon, and ice water.  I wanted my daughter's sandwich so bad.  My niece wanted no part of her ham sandwich, and I wanted to say, "that's ok, honey, Aunt Cor will eat it for you". 

Then came the time to put on our dresses.  It was do or die time...I hadn't tried on my dress since it came back from the alterations.  I put on all my fat squishing undergarments and my strapless bra, and slid into my dress.  It was a little too big around my chest and back.  Strangely, I was tickled!  That meant I lost enough weight in a week's time to make my dress too big.  I put on the jewelry I wore in my own wedding for the first time in 7 years and emerged from the bathroom feeling like a princess.  The bride's eyes got big and she got a huge smile and said I looked amazing.   She said I looked so much younger, at which point I had to tease her and say, "you mean not like the old hag I usually look like?"  She said no, I just didn't look like a mom.  Although I've earned my mom battle stripes, I'll take that one.

At 32 years old, I had my first limo ride.  My 6 year old daughter was giddy with excitement.  My own excitement died when I had to practically crawl in on my knees and then sit on a bench seat with my boobs in my throat and my knees in my chest.  Being well endowed and tall is a pain in the ass more often than not!  Thankfully the limo was well stocked with little bottles of water. 

The wedding went wonderfully, the ceremony was beautiful and went without a hitch.  I actually felt pretty walking down the aisle, and when my husband wiggled his eyebrows at me from his place with the other groomsmen, I got this ridiculous grin on my face.  The following pictures are usually a nightmare for me, but this time I had fun.  So all this nonsense with the food and my conflicting emotions have been worth it.

The limo took us to the reception, and shortly after taking our places at the head table, we were served with rolls and salad.  Again, none for me.  I felt like a total idiot, like every eye in the place was on me.  Of course, no one cared what I was doing, and I doubt no one even noticed, but still.  So I picked up my fork and pushed the salad around so it looked like I had eaten some of it.  The waitress wasn't fooled...she gave me a funny look when she asked if she could take it.

I chose the seafood alfredo for my dinner, as I can't eat meat yet.  I was hoping it had fish in it.  It didn't, just shrimp and scallops.  I can't have those yet either.  So I twirled my linguini one strand at a time and made an effort to chew carefully and thoroughly, all the while wishing my dinner came with the baked potatoes everyone else's did.  After 4 bites, I knew I overdid it.  I sat there hoping the feeling would go away, staring at the bathroom the whole time wondering if I should go.  I ended up quickly heading in that direction and asking my husband's little 7 year old cousin if I could butt in line ahead of her because I was going to be sick.  Her grandmother had the surgery years ago, so she knows how it is.  She let me in, and up came my 4 strands of linguini and a gallon of water (again, no iced tea).  Ugh.

As I headed back to my table, I saw that there was a potato next to my plate, and all my shrimp were missing but for their tails.  My sister-in-law told me she conducted a trade, a baked potato for my shrimp.  The bride's mother to the rescue again.  So I made an effort to eat 3 bites, even though I didn't want to. 

After dinner, my inner dancing queen came out.  Those reading this who know me well are thinking "what?!"  Apparently I'm comfortable enough with myself to shake my groove thang.  And shake it I did.  Between the dancing and the sweating I did (very attractive, by the way) I must've lost another 5 pounds.  Let's hope.


We skipped out on the family breakfast this morning, as I couldn't take another meal that I couldn't eat and would be jealous of.  The only one who would have enjoyed it was my husband, as I can't have more than a bite or two, my daughter doesn't eat breakfast food, and my son won't touch eggs.  By the time we headed home it was late morning, so we stopped and they got subs to eat on the way home.  I sipped on my water, hating this whole thing. 

First thing when we got home, I threw my daughter in the bathtub to get rid of the sparkles in her hair (glitter is evil in my opinion) and headed to the kitchen to make myself some real mashed potatoes.  Ahhhhh.....finally.
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Congratulations, Mike and Suzanne!

I Love the Scale

Today is 5 weeks since the surgery.  I just got on the scale.  I can't get used to it being less and less every time I get on.

Minus 38 lbs. and counting.

Amazing.

****************************************************************************

Last night I watched a show called "How I Lost 100 Pounds" on Discovery Health.  There were three different stories.  One girl touched me though....she was me.  It was amazing to watch a complete stranger go through the same life as me.  Chubby kid that ballooned in adulthood due to a food addiction.  The only difference was she got the lap band rather than the bypass.  And, after losing 103 lbs. she had a body tuck to remove the 4.6 lbs. of excess skin that was hanging off of her torso.  I don't have the money for that sort of thing, so whatever is left hanging will just have to hang there.  I have no plans to ever wear a bikini anyway!

Eating Out

Last night was school shopping night.  Gabby and I went to Kohl's with my sister Crystal and my cousin Alicia, who is visiting from out of state.  We had a good time watching Gabby model all of her clothes in the dressing room.  After a couple of hours of clothes shopping (and an excruciatingly long time in the jewelry dept. looking for just the right necklace), we decided to head to Red Lobster for dinner.

I heart Red Lobster.  And I figured I'd be good with some sort of fish and the mashed potatoes.  So that's what I ordered.  Wood grilled tilapia, broccoli and the creamy languosto lobster mashed potatoes (I can't have the lobster yet so I picked it out).  I can't have salad yet either, so the waitress gave me the option of another side.  Double mashed, please!  The waitress then brought us out our cheddar bay biscuits.  Mmmm.  I decided I could nibble on one, so I did.  I had a few nibbles and it sat okay, but I figured I better quit while I was ahead.  I shouldn't have had it though, because I was full by the time my dinner came.  So I picked at my fish, which was delicious, and picked at the potatoes, which are always good.  I brought home a ton of food.  I had my potatoes, my fish, broccoli, and my sister's potatoes and the little bit of tilapia she had left.  Needless to say, I have a good 4 meals worth of food left.  I'm now the official cheap date.  Between not being able to eat more than a couple of bites, and once I can drink I imagine it won't take long to knock me on my butt, I figure things are gonna be a lot cheaper!

Tonight was soccer night, and on those nights I don't cook dinner because we don't get home til about 7.  Alicia is staying with us again tonight, so we picked up pizza on the way home.  At my favorite place.  I haven't had pizza in the house yet, and if you've been following this you know I'd rip off my arm for some pizza.  It was very hard (it looked and smelled so good!) but I sat on the couch by myself, away from the pizza, and had my reheated potatoes from last night.

I will survive.

Busy Weekend!!

Get ready for this!

It's been an interesting weekend learning what I can eat and how much...I survived, but I didn't do very well.  Friday night was my future sister-in-law's bachelorette party.  We went to dinner and a show at the comedy club in Sacketts Harbor.  My advice to you:  never ever ever eat dinner at the Lake Ontario Playhouse!  Go to one of the fabulous restaurants across the street.  That being said, I'll tell you why...

There were 14 of us, ages ranging from 20 to somewhere in the 60s.  We arrived at the playhouse, full of anticipation.  As we walked in, I saw a sign on the door that said "Showroom is air conditioned!" and was a little suspicious...what about the rest of the joint?  We went in and were directed to the dining "room", which turned out to be an upstairs loft.  And guess what?  NO air conditioning.  The fans they had going may as well have been turned off.  If I had to guess I would say it was easily in the 90 degree range up there. 

We gave the waitress our drink orders and proceeded to peruse the menu.  About the only thing on it I could eat was a baked salmon fillet, which was to be baked in a lemon herb butter sauce.  I hoped it wasn't too thick of a sauce.

The waitress brought our drinks a good 20 minutes later, at which point we were all dying of thirst as it was so hot.  No iced tea ever tasted so good!  Those poor unfortunate souls who ordered mixed drinks, however, were not so lucky.  Not one was prepared correctly.  I mean, how do you screw up a white russian?  Rum with cranberry and a splash of pineapple?  I'm not sure, but they managed it.  They didn't even know how to make a martini. 

Someone asked what the special of the day was (as advertised on the menu).  "Sorry, no special tonight."  Uh, ok.  We all placed our orders, and proceeded to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  They brought baskets of rolls, which smelled heavenly but I stayed away from.  Two fruit and cheese platters were ordered, which I also left alone.  After almost two hours, our food started arriving.  Immediately, orders were wrong.  This one didn't have the right side, this one's steak wasn't prepared correctly, etc.  My mother-in-law ordered a chicken caesar salad...it arrived with five little cubes of chicken hidden in the salad.

I was the last one to receive my dinner.  I ordered my fish with mashed potatoes, as I can't eat rice yet.  He brought my plate, and there sat a lonely piece of salmon and what was clearly a pile of unseasoned frozen broccoli.  I asked about my potatoes.  They ran out.  What?!  I gazed longingly at the girl sitting next to me, and her beautiful pile of potatoes.  I accepted it and decided to make the best out of it.  I cut into my salmon and realized there was nothing on it at all.  No spices, no sauce...what the hell?  I asked the waiter about it, and he had to check with the cook, who said it's not supposed to have anything on it.  I wanted to tell him to have her read the menu, but I didn't want to be a bitch about it.  I didn't want to ruin Suzanne's party...although other people had no problem voicing their disappointment.

The salmon was terrible.  The broccoli was bad.  A few bites and I was done.  Pretty much no one touched their dinners.  The waiter came and asked if we wanted boxes.  I think one person took something home.

At this point we had about 15 minutes to pay before the show started, but they assured us they wouldn't start without us.  We all went downstairs to pay at the bar, and as I was standing there I felt the tell-tale sign of extreme pain and pressure in my pouch--I had to throw up.  The bathroom was nearby.  I threw a $50 bill at Suzanne and told her to pay for mine as I rushed into the bathroom.  I immediately gagged, the bathroom stunk SO BAD.  I threw open the door of the stall and said bye-bye to that salmon, which was even more horrid on the way back up.  I quick washed my hands while holding my breath, and got out of there as fast as I could, still sweaty and with tears still in my eyes.

The girls were still waiting to pay.  I got my money back, and looked around.  I spotted the kitchen, and looked in.  Not only was it tiny, I saw how she made our dinners.  My fish was pan fried.  The steaks were pan fried.  It was a mess.

Finally we paid and headed into the showroom.  I guess it was air conditioned, it was cooler than the rest of the place but still warm.  We took our seats in the front row and waited.  I started feeling that damn pain and pressure again.  I sat there hoping it would go away, but it didn't.  So I headed for that horrible bathroom again (I even contemplated going outside and puking in the bushes).  I held my breath and got rid of the rest of whatever was left in my pouch.  I got the hell out of there and used the pretty smelling hand sanitizer in my purse instead of braving the smells in the bathroom any longer.

The comedian was friggin hilarious.  Well, the headliner was.  The first guy was eh, okay.  He had a few good ones, but I wasn't sad to see him go.

So we overall had a good time.  Dinner was a huge bust, but we enjoyed ourselves bitching about it while we waited, while we ate, and while we waited to pay.  Definitely a memorable experience!

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Saturday I was able to eat next to nothing.  A bite or two was about all I could get down.  I spent the day running all over upstate NY.  From Dexter (for those of you who don't know, near Watertown) to Syracuse and many points in between.  Saturday sucked, except I got to go pick up one of my very favorite people at the airport, my cousin Alicia.  She flew in from Oklahoma for a visit.  (She's staying with us tonight).

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Sunday we had a barbecue at my parents' house, in honor of Alicia's visit.  My mother is an amazing cook.  She had a pork loin roast going, sausage and peppers for sandwiches on these fabulous rolls, meatballs and sauce, macaroni salad, salt potatoes...I made baked beans and we brought fresh sweet corn.  My sister brought tomato pie (tomato pie is NOT a pie crust with tomato slices, it is a thick bread dough with tomato sauce and parmesan cheese.  I love tomato pie).

Not long after arriving, I helped myself to a piece of tomato pie.  I can have bread, I can have sauce.  I figured, win win.  Well....not long after eating 3 small bites, I found myself having that damn pain again, so off to the bathroom I went.  Bye, tomato pie...after that I stuck to iced tea.

Then....dinner time arrived.  I have to admit, it was hard not having Mom's sausage and peppers, and Mom's meatballs.  I can't eat meat for another couple of weeks.  I put a dab of the following on my plate: mac salad, my baked beans and a salt potato.  I took a small piece of the roll and dunked it in Mom's sauce.  I was amazed (and a bit disgusted) by how little I could eat.  It looked like I didn't touch anything at all.

After dinner, some of us were relaxing in the living room (it was raining) and some were relaxing out on the porch.  About a half hour went by, and I could hear the sauce calling me.  I tried to fight it, but I figured it's only sauce on a smidge of bread, what's the big deal.  Well, the big deal is this:  my pouch was already full, so guess where I ended up?  Yep, back in the bathroom.  Honestly, I'm so stupid sometimes.  Luckily, once it's out, I'm fine again.  No lingering effects.

So.........that was my weekend.  I'm a little leery today about what to eat.  I just put mashed potatoes in the microwave to heat up, but I gotta say, I'm getting good and damn sick of the instants, so I suppose I'm going to have to make some of my own.  I love mashed potatoes, but geez, am I going to have to eat them almost exclusively forever? 

Whining? Possibly.

I'm having a hard time getting food to go down today.  This has actually been a recurring problem.  I'm sure it's normal and I'm not freaking out about it, but I am somewhat annoyed.  I would like to get more than a couple of bites in before it feels like someone is poking my pouch really hard...not to satisfy my hunger, but to satisfy my tongue/brain. 

I've even gone so far as to backtrack to the softer foods.  Last night I heated up a can of spicy refried beans and added a pinch of 50% reduced fat Cabot cheddar.  It was very tasty, and I was able to eat about 1/2 cup.  Today however, I'm having trouble with it (I'm having it again for lunch).  It is sitting next to me as I type this, taunting me.  Maybe I'm still eating too fast and this is what I have to do...?  Take a bite, type a few sentences, take another bite...

I wasn't able to get any exercise in yesterday, and it actually kinda bummed me out.  I never thought I would want to.  I didn't sit around all day--I spent the day running the kids to the doctor for their well visits and dragging them in, around and out of Walmart...in 93 degree heat, I might add.  I just have to learn to make time for it through out the day, I guess.  I've learned with this whole new lifestyle is that planning is key.  Plan everything.  Every bite of every food that is going to go into your mouth, every sip of every drink that goes down your throat, every vitamin you have to take at what time of day...I'm just going to have to find time in between that, the kids, and housework to take a walk.  That's really all I'm allowed to do at this point.  Walk (with or without light weights) and swim.  The weather hasn't been too cooperative lately either...but this sounds like making excuses.

I assume after my next checkup, I will be released to do whatever exercising I want.  I think the first thing I am going to do is purchase a month's membership at the local gym.  Again, when I will find the time to go will be hard, but it's something I have to do.

Silk, The Other White Milk

At the suggestion of others, when I went grocery shopping last night, I purchased Silk soy milk, original flavor.  Tonight I had my first taste.  It's actually good.  It tastes to me like milk with a slight vanilla after taste.

Apparently I'm friggin allergic to soy.

I had all the symptoms of when I eat the fruit I'm allergic to:  itching throat, tongue and ears, plus the added bonus of feeling like I was going to throw up.  Fan-friggin-tastic.

So....I guess my last ditch effort may be rice milk.  Has anyone tried that?  I saw it in the grocery store in Old Forge over the weekend, but wanted to try soy milk first.  The other reason was that the rice milk wasn't in the dairy section...or the refrigerated section at all...

Easier? I Think It Might Be!

Is it possible that this is finally getting a little easier?  I feel like it might be.  Sunday we went to visit my husband's parents, who were camping at 8th Lake near Inlet.  Lunch and dinner didn't bother me at all, and I found regular food I could eat.  Cottage cheese; grilled zucchini, squash, onions and potatoes; potato salad...the smell of the grilling meat was amazing, so I thought I'd try my "suck on the steak" trick with the venison.  It was really good, but I've gone so long without meat I didn't get that huge satisfaction that I got the first time (when I was desperate!)

While we were there, I actually wanted to get off my butt and go do things.  We walked all over, went bike riding, and I even thought about kayaking, but I wasn't sure if I should do that so soon after the surgery.  I don't know if that uses abdominal muscles, or just your arms.  So I passed...for now.

Last night for dinner I made the family marinated sirloin pork chops on the grill, with my seasoned brown rice and Italian vegetables.  I had mac and cheese and the zucchini out of the veggies.  I only got about two bites of both before I started getting that uncomfortable feeling.  What better time to go grocery shopping?

So I left, leaving my husband to (semi) clean up the kitchen.  (I have dishes to wash this morning, thank you very much, dude). 

Solo grocery shopping rocks.  I love it.  No fidgety kid in the cart, no whining kid that wants to ride in the cart but is too big, no "Mom, can I have ___?"  And I went to a store I don't normally go to unless I need only a couple of things.  As I was shopping, I glanced into my cart and saw only healthy foods in it.  Not only is this new lifestyle going to affect me, but my family as well.  I didn't buy garbage before, but I didn't go overly healthy either.  Like everything was "low fat" or "sugar free" (by the way, sugar free Fudgesicles fudge bars are awesome, and only 40 calories).  I'm excited to start cooking even healthier meals.  I'm always up for the challenge.

Speaking of challenges, this coming Friday night is my sister-in-law-to-be's bachelorette party.  We're going to be going to dinner, then to a comedy club.  So I'm going to find out ahead of time where we're eating and go online to see if they have their menu listed.  But for now I'm thinking of broiled fish...it'll be Friday, after all.

My husband is picking up my bridesmaid dress tonight...I can't wait to try it on and see how huge it is...  :)

Updates

So the eggplant I was so excited about?  It was phenomenal.  Really.  I think it may be the best thing I've had so far, probably because I marinated it and cooked it on the grill.  I can't eat the skin yet, so I scooped it out...it gave it a kind of meaty quality, like when you substitute giant mushrooms for burgers.  If anyone knows where to find more japanese eggplants, let me know.

My night out was...sober.  I learned that time drags when you're not drinking, people are less funny, and generally they're more annoying.  I had a good time with my girls, don't get me wrong.  But I was home by midnight.  Lemon water just didn't cut it.

On the porch at the Pine Tree...I believe Mary described me as "glowing" while taking the picture (however, she was a bit inebriated, so we'll just laugh)

Saturday's Antics

I'm typically a hot-blooded person.  I'm always hot.  Since having the surgery, however, I find myself being cold more and more frequently.  I'm thrilled that my insulation is melting away, but am I ready to be cold?  Winter in NY is gonna be brutal if that's the case!  It's a beautiful day today, low humidity, highs in the low 70s.  My idea of perfection.  I sat in the sun for a while and did work up a sweat, but as soon as that sun disappeared behind a cloud, out came the goosebumps.  I just spent the last hour out in the backyard, watching my kids play and visiting with a friend, and I froze my ass off.  Granted, I wasn't sitting in the sun anymore, but no one else seems to be cold.  (Jess was, but she's used to a warmer climate).  So I guess that's something else to get used to.

Tonight will be my first foray into the "party scene" without being able to drink.  It's girls' night at the Pine Tree (a local bar, for those of you who don't know).  Me?  I'll be drinking water with a lemon wedge rather than my usual Michelob Ultra.  I hate being the only sober person...drunk people are annoying.  Unless you're one of them, then they're fun!  I know I can drink again in 6 months, and that's fine.  It makes me wonder though--when I can drink again, can I have beer?  Are carbonated beverages out of my life for good?  I guess that's a question for my next doctor's visit.  Or for one of my friends that is further along in their new lifestyle than I am.

Since I'm going out tonight, and it's getting on in the evening, I am planning on grilling hot dogs for the family and cooking up some fresh sweet corn.  I was reading the label on the hot dogs...16 grams of fat and 170 calories for ONE hot dog.  One.  Uno.  Singular.  That's friggin ridiculous.  I bought the Oscar Meyer bun-lengths (that were on sale) advertising "no artificial flavors, colors, fillers, or by-products".  I guess it makes me feel better that my family isn't eating lips and asses, but that seems like a high amount of fat.  I'm not going to obsess about it anymore though.  We've all eaten hot dogs, and no one has been damaged so far...that I know of.  Let's hope the dive headfirst into the corn and not care too much about the 'dogs.

What am I having, you ask?  My mother is growing eggplant in her garden, and yesterday she gave me one.  I sliced it lengthwise, drizzled it with olive oil, and sprinkled on black pepper and barbeque seasoning.  I'm going to grill it and see how that works out for me.  I'm a little excited...about a vegetable.  Who'da thunk it?

Moo Juice

Milk.  I miss milk.  I'm a big fan.  Ice cold.  White, chocolate, strawberry...doesn't matter.  Whole, 2%, 1%.  Unfortunately, my new lifestyle doesn't have much room for milk in it.  Damn lactose.  Lactose is sugar, sugar is bad (see "Dumping Syndrome" post).

This poses another problem...no milk = no coffee.  Yeah, I could go for the sugar free creamers, but as I have stated before, I hate that fake sugar taste.  And it totally changes the taste of coffee.  I've had coffee twice since the surgery (using a scant amount of french vanilla creamer) but it's just not the same.  As an avid coffee drinker, I can tell you that this sucks.  I'm a big Dunkin Donuts iced coffee fan as well...I just can't get into drinking it any other way then with cream and sugar.  *sigh*  I must get in touch with my fellow bypass-ers and see what they do.

Does anyone know what those soy milks taste like?  I'm a little afraid to try.

Enjoy your tall glass of milk.  Enjoy your hot cup of joe.  You never know when you might have to quit.

...And That's What Happens When You're a Pig

I'm going to try to finish this new post...I've started it three times already!  I have a very mouthy, unruly girl this morning.  So between numerous interruptions and two poopy diapers, I'm going to try again.

I had my first adventure in overeating.  It was two nights ago, the first night of my new menu choices.  I made elbows and sauce, and it was sooo goood.  I had my allotted 1/2 cup or so (maybe it was a little more, I didn't measure) and was full.  Everyone else finished their dinner, and they went outside to play, leaving me to do the kitchen--again.  *Sigh*, a mother's work never ends.  Anyway, it was about a half hour after I finished dinner that I went out to clean the kitchen.  There sat the elbows, completely naked...no sauce, no butter, no nothing.  I love naked pasta.  Call me weird, but I do.  So I picked three elbows out and ate them.  Mmm, good!  So I took 3 more.  All of a sudden, I felt like someone was pushing their fist into my pouch. [For those of you who don't know, the pouch is located directly under your sternum]  I thought, "ok, I'll just walk around and hope it settles"  Yeah, it didn't.  In fact, it kept getting worse, and the urge to throw up was getting stronger and stronger.  I went into the bathroom, terrified, because I have heard horror stories about throwing up with the pouch.  Well, throw up I did, and it wasn't terrible.  I mean, throwing up is never fun, but compared to how it normally feels, it wasn't so bad.  Still, it isn't something I'm going to aspire to do again.  I know it's inevitable, and it will happen until I learn my limitations, but at least now I don't have to be scared.

In other news...a friend of mine "introduced" me (via Facebook) to her friend who had the surgery 2 years ago.  She is doing wonderfully.  She talked to me about nutrition and vitamins, and got me wondering if I'm taking in enough protein.  I'm thinking about ordering supplements from the website she referred me to.  I'm in love with this website.  It has fantastic recipes that I can't wait to try, sugar free foods that they swear don't taste sugar free, vitamins, supplements, support...anything you could want.  Check it out, I've been on it daily.  www.bariatriceating.com

Today I'm off to swim my ass off at my parents' pool...and I do hope that literally happens!  Right now I have to go get my children under control...distracted mother = children misbehaving for attention.

Starting Week 4 of the Diet!

Today marks the beginning of the fourth week of the diet.  Which means I get to introduce new foods.  Yay!  This is the week I've been waiting for.  The only downside is nothing new will be introduced again until week 7.  But for now, this is what I get to try:

• Egg salad, hard boiled eggs
• Baked/broiled flaky fish
• Soft cooked veggies
• Soft, skinless fruits
• Soft cooked pasta
• Soft cooked beans/legumes
• Couscous

Meals should not exceed 1/2 cup total.  I'm cool with that; I can't get that much down anyway.

What am I having for lunch today?  Elbows and sauce, baby!  Finally!  Food!  Last night I made hamburgers and the corn on the cob that Goob picked up.  Not having fresh sweet corn this year is going to be hard...but I have all the other foods I can enjoy.  I'm having him pick up extra each time so I can freeze some...I will enjoy it over the winter!

Three Weeks Post-Op

I had my 3 week post-op checkup yesterday.  I met with the nurse practitioner who was with me from the time I was wheeled into the surgical holding area that first day.  She's the one who was picking on the size of my feet.  I like her.  According to her, I'm the picture of health.  Most exciting to me at this point is that for the first time in ten years I don't have to take any blood pressure medicine.  How cool is that?  Within the next two months, I should be off of all of my pre-op meds.  I'm so excited about that!  Buh-bye copays!

As of yesterday, I'm 25 lbs lighter and have lost 17% body fat.  Not bad for 3 weeks time!  She said that my goal is to lose 75% of the body fat, putting my weight at anywhere between 150 and 170.  I haven't seen those numbers since high school...you know, when I thought I was a fat ass but was really pretty hot? haha!

So time will tell how much I actually lose (exercise, of course, being a big factor) but she told me that most of the weight will come off in the first 7 months, and should all be off in a year or so.  Everyone is different, so no one knows for sure.

And...after the first six months I can introduce alcohol back into the equation.  Not that I was a big drinker before, but I do enjoy the occasional cocktail now and again!  Looks like there will be drinks on my birthday after all...

I copied a couple of pictures off of k-rock's facebook site from the concert...now you'll know why we left!

Ridiculous, right?

 I'm in this crowd somewhere...

In other news, tomorrow is my 3-week post-op checkup.  I'll let you know officially how I'm doing, not just what I think!

Today I Learned...That I'm OLD

I learned a little bit about myself today.  First off, right now I should be at the k-rockathon, watching my favorite band in the universe tear it up.  Am I?  No, I'm sitting on my computer.  I did go, however...I just didn't make it there long.

First and foremost...I'm too old for that sh*t.  I realized that I'm too old pretty much seconds after we turned into the fairgrounds, and saw the hoards of little punks in the parking lot just being obnoxious.  I thought $10 for parking was outrageous.  What made me realize I might not belong there was the cardboard sign boasting "Jello shots-$1" tacked up by someone's car.  Yeah, I don't think so, pal.  Jello shots = good fun...if you know where they're coming from!  And I thought I was going to have to get out and beat this jerk who was punching the rear of cars as they went by...mine being one of them.  Pull up your pants and stop being an ass.  No one wants to see your red plaid boxers.

After about a 2 mile walk (or thereabouts) from East Bumfrick where we had to park, we entered the gates...only to be patted down first.  No, no weapons here, ma'am.  We tentatively made our way into the grounds, and into the throngs of people.  I mean, there were people everywhere.  Half dressed, drunk, goth, stoned, did I mention half dressed?
I felt like the oldest person there (although I saw many people in their 40s and 50s rockin' their little hearts out).

First place we went was this little stand selling gyros and pitas and the like.  All I wanted was a bottle of water.  "Bottle of water, you say?  Sorry, we only have soda and Powerade. Water is only available at the beer tents."  Are you friggin kidding me??  Like you can get within a 20 foot radius of the beer tents.  So we each got a Powerade, and headed toward the stages.  We got pretty darn close, and I was thinking maybe it wouldn't be too bad after all.  The band on stage finished their set, and another band took the other stage.  All of a sudden, Danielle and I found ourselves in wall-to-wall people.  I mean, the people in front of us were literally 6 inches away, same goes for behind us and beside us.  There were people crowd surfing and there was fighting, there were people throwing bottles of water and soda and shoes...frankly, I was a little freaked.  We made it through the next band's thankfully short set, and we hightailed it outta there.  I could tell she wasn't having a good time, and I was starting to feel light headed in the sun.  Let's not forget I had surgery 2 weeks ago...

So, we made our 2 mile trek back out to the car (thank goodness my car is yellow!) and made our way to Carousel Mall, where I purchased knock-off Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses and a smutty book.  We went to the food court, where I found mashed potatoes (that were disgusting).

After I dropped her off, I went to KFC and bought more (delicious!) mashed potatoes and a kids' meal for Gabby, then I headed over to Wendy's to get Goob his heart-attack-on-a-bun.  I'm happy to be home and to be with my people.

So, to sum up...I'm too old to enjoy the things I should have enjoyed in my early 20s but didn't, and I really really don't like people en masse.  Also, I'm not really the badass I thought I was.  And I will forget all of this the next time one of my bands comes to the Aud.

General Ramblings and Musings

I was looking over some of the papers from the doctor's office.  One thing I just saw was "it is normal not to feel hunger at this time, but it is important not to skip meals.  Eat 3 meals a day, even if it is only a bite or two."  Believe it or not, it's easier said than done.  Although it is hard for me to fathom, in the last 2 weeks I have only been hungry once or twice, and that was only because I was thirsty.  Today I had to force myself to have half a slice of toast.  So far that's all I've had.  I decided last night that I'm done with tuna for now...it just is not agreeing with me.  I went to bed feeling pretty sick to my stomach. 

Tomorrow is the big krockathon.  For those of you who don't know what that is, it is an all day, outside rock concert at the State Fair Grounds, put on by K-Rock radio.  15 bands, if I heard correctly.  I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous.  I haven't done any "all day" anything since my surgery.  It's supposed to be hot and sunny, and packed with people.  I don't do all that well in crowds of people.  In general, I don't like people much.  But I'm willing to sacrifice to see two of my favorite bands.  But in preparation for the day, I find myself returning to the same questions...What if they don't let me bring my own water in?  Am I going to have to pay $4 for every bottle of water I want? (concert venue = ridiculous pricing)  What am I going to eat?  I know we won't get out of there until at least 11 pm, and that's being "cup half full".  I can't go an entire day without eating, yet everything I can eat needs to be refrigerated, and I doubt I'll find anything there I can eat.  So what, do I live on saltines all day?  If you have a suggestion, I'm all ears!

Discoveries

I'm starting to discover things about myself that I don't know if everyone post-surgery experiences.  One thing that grosses me out is my teeth always feel dirty, unless I have just brushed them.  Fuzzy, almost.  I guess chewing different foods helps to keep the plaque from building up during the day.  Makes sense, no?  At this point, I'm not "allowed" to chew gum (maybe they think I'll swallow it, who knows) so I'm constantly brushing my teeth.  The good news is my teeth will be healthier than ever!

Something else...I'm always thirsty.  I can't get enough to drink.  Trouble is, I'm very picky about what I drink.  I don't like most juices, and I certainly don't like them diluted.  Our water doesn't taste very good, so to tolerate it I have to add lemon wedges.  I've been brewing iced tea daily, well, on sunny days anyway.  Brushing my teeth constantly just makes me thirstier, and you know that nothing tastes good after brushing!  It's a vicious circle!

The weirdest thing we've noticed so far is my sense of smell.  I've always had a terrible sense of smell.  For my sniffer to work, the odor must be very strong.  Well, since the surgery, I have the nose of a blood hound.  Go figure.  I'm constantly wrinkling up my nose and telling Goob that something stinks.  It's driving him nuts.  He told me he likes it better when I can't smell...I think I do too.

Last night I discovered that I may not be ready for toast.  I made a slice and made it half way through before I decided I didn't like how it was making me feel.  It tasted like heaven, but I felt every bite building up in my little pouch.  And I have to chew chew chew everything up very good, and after a while of masticating, whatever is in your mouth starts to be just a little gross.

So far today nothing tastes good to me.  I had 3 bites of mashed potatoes, and two bites of yogurt.  That's it, and it's 1:15pm.  I'm trying to decide if I should try something else, or just quit for now.  I can't wait for my tea to finish brewing in the sun...

Speaking of eating and drinking, I haven't mentioned this yet...as of this week, I am not to drink any fluids 30 minutes before meals, and for 1 hour after meals.  Forever.  This is because the fluids will push the food through the little pouch faster, and not allow it to build up so I feel full.  The result is eating more than I should be.  Everyone who I have talked to that has had the surgery says this is one of the biggest adjustments, and one of the hardest.  I have to say I must agree!  You're conditioned from childhood to have a drink with meals.

So...I'm supposed to be drinking 64 oz of fluids a day.  You figure 3 meals a day, an hour and a half of not drinking each time (I'm not a mathematician, but I think that's 4 1/2 hours) plus however long is spent sleeping....let's just say it's hard to get that much fluid in.  But like I said before...hydrate, hydrate, hydrate!

New Week = New Food!

It's a new week.  Two weeks since the surgery, and that means I'm officially entering postop week 3.  Which means....new food!!  I've been looking forward to this day for a week.  New foods to try:

• Scrambled egg (no more than 1/2 an egg)
• Canned or packaged tuna/salmon
• 1/4 to 1/2 piece of toast (avoid doughy breads)
• 1-2 small crackers

Finally.  Food that is chewable.  This morning I made two cans of tuna--one for me, and one for my daughter, who is a tuna freak.  (By the way, has anyone else noticed that a can of tuna is no longer good for two sandwiches?)  I made Gabby her sandwich, then giddily made myself the other can, with the intention of eating it out of the bowl with a couple of saltines.  And this where reality sets in...6 small bites and one saltine later, and I'd had enough.  I was almost feeling a little sick.  So judging by the amount of tuna left in my bowl, I have enough for two more meals.  Amazing.

Oh, and did I mention I weighed myself?  I'm 22 lbs. lighter, and wore a shirt last night that was previously too tight.  Yay me!

Dumping Syndrome

If you're at all like me, you will never have heard of dumping syndrome.  I hadn't heard of it until just before my surgery.  It is related to gastric bypass, and it is described as this:

"Dumping syndrome occurs when the contents of the stomach empty too quickly into the small intestine. The partially digested food draws excess fluid into the small intestine causing nausea, cramping, diarrhea, sweating, faintness, and palpitations. Dumping usually occurs after the consumption of too much simple or refined sugar in people who have had surgery to modify or remove all or part of the stomach."

Sounds terrifying, doesn't it?  I have not experienced this dreaded phenomenon, but it's just a matter of time.  Everyone's body reacts differently to the foods they eat, so what might cause Sally to have dumping syndrome may not cause me to, and vice versa.  So far, I've had two friends describe their experiences of horror to me...one had a simple bite of ice cream; the other, just two bites of an apple crumb pie.  This "dumping" can last for hours and while in it's clutches, makes you wish you would just die and get it over with.

Every time I try something new, I'm on edge for about an hour afterwards, waiting to see if it's going to grab ahold of me.  The dumping can be immediate, or it can be an hour or more later.

I've enclosed this picture for your viewing pleasure.

Cranky

I just wanted to say I'm feeling cranky and out of sorts...and the fact that I'm going to go make dinner for the family doesn't help much.  Granted, I'm making something I hate and would never eat (tuna noodle casserole) but it's something Goob loves and Gabby will when she tries it.  As for me, I'll either have half a cup of light yogurt or a cup of strained vegetable soup.  God, I can't wait for some real food to enter the equation.

Pssst...Ok, I'm gonna come clean.  I'm not making tuna noodle casserole from scratch, they're getting Tuna Helper with Broccoli.  Still something I would never eat, and don't usually buy.  I'm not a "Helper" kind of girl--tuna, hamburger, or otherwise.

But at this point, if I could....I would!